After I gave birth to my daughter something unexpected happened I remember looking around the room and asking the nurse “Did we move” I truly didn’t recognize the space around me I hadn’t lost consciousness I wasn’t confused I was just not fully there.
It felt like my body was in one place and my mind was somewhere else I now know that what I experienced was a form of mild disassociation and it’s actually more common than most people talk about.
In my case it came after a long exhausting labor Three days of contractions five hours of pushing and the intensity of delivering a baby with shoulder dystocia left me physically and emotionally drained There was a moment of silence before my daughter cried and in those few seconds fear rushed in I wondered if she was okay I was hungry exhausted unsure and overwhelmed.
And sometimes even without trauma those long hours of labor the lack of food the sheer fatigue it can make things feel fuzzy when you’re finally holding your baby That’s okay Just holding your baby in your arms while you catch your breath is enough Asking your husband spouse or support person to do skin to skin for a few minutes while you ground yourself is okay too You got your baby here safely You did that.
But this isn’t always about trauma.
In fact many women experience a kind of pause or emotional disconnect right after giving birth even after a straightforward or peaceful delivery Sometimes the body and brain just need a moment to catch up The experience of birth is massive It’s intense It’s unlike anything else So when the baby finally arrives it’s normal for some moms to feel distant numb or even confused for a little while That pause is your mind heart and body working to reconnect.
We don’t talk about that enough Instead we hear stories like “The moment I saw you I fell in love” And while that may be true for some it’s also okay if it’s not true for you.
With my twins the love felt instant But with my first I needed a moment to process And a few hours later the love was just as deep it simply needed space to land.
As a doula I’ve supported many parents who describe that same feeling a moment of emotional delay a quiet pause before the bond blooms Whether it’s caused by exhaustion hormones anxiety or just the sheer enormity of the moment it’s completely normal And it doesn’t mean you’re not deeply connected to your baby.
So if you’ve ever felt that whether for a few minutes or a few hours I want you to know this.
You are not broken You are not alone And you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Sometimes after the push comes the pause And that’s okay.
